Without Mom and Dad

 In my first blog post, I mentioned: 

• Both of my parents passed away. Dad in 2009. Mom in 2017. I think about them, especially Mom, everyday. Both were around 80.....so the 55 number is not that far off. 

Growing up, I thought my parents could do and survive anything. When I was about 12, my Mom tried to light the pilot light in furnace and it exploded in her face. Her face was burned, eyebrows singed, etc. Dad and I rushed Mom to the hospital where they treated her. She was in so much pain. Somehow, her eyesight was not affected! Over a couple of months, she rebounded great and looked like nothing happened. 

My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after I was let go from WJER in August of 2000. I took care of her as she did multiple rounds of chemo, had a lumpectomy, and ended it with radiation. She survived. She fought hard. She felt so guilty for not being able to move off the couch some days and I assured her that it was ok. I cooked and did the laundry and everything. Sometimes, Mom had accidents and that was ok too. I was glad I could take care of her. 

Mom also had a bump or something on the tail end of her spine that was making it difficult for her to walk. She got shots for it every once in a while to take away the pain but her lower back hurt like hell. 

My Dad was diagnosed with diabetes around 2003. He lost his ability to walk and had colon cancer cut out of him cleanly. But for the next 6 years, Mom took care of him along with Donna, a home health aide. Dad had a heart attack at home in January of 2009. 

In April of 2017, Mom suffered a stroke at home. I moved back home to be Mom's caregiver. Mom did great trying to come back until she suffered multiple UTIs and a seizure, which ultimately led to her passing in December of that year. 

When my Dad passed, that shocked the hell out of me. I knew at some point I would lose my parents but when the first one suddenly died, I had a lot of thoughts about "how long would I have Mom?" I"m not ready for this (stage of life without parents)." 

So, from January of 2009 to December of 2017, I had Mom for almost nine years. I treasured every moment I spent with Mom. I saved so many Birthday and Christmas cards from her. Her writing was so pretty! 

For a long time well before my parents had health issues, I wondered what stage of life did Mom and Dad prepare me for? When they dropped me off for college? When I got married? When they passed on? I still don't know the answer to this. 

I grieved my Dad's passing for awhile. And I still think about him every day. But my Mom? I have never gotten over her death. The day she died, I walked into her room at The Laurels at 6:33 pm and didn't hear any beeping from her machines and it took me a second to realize what happened. I yelled, "Moooooooommmmmmmm!!!!!" And I just started sobbing. The Hospice nurse came in and said she was just going to call me to tell me that "Mary had passed." She hugged me. 

We had Mom's funeral about a week later. I did ok at the Mass until PJ Chavez, the singer for the church, sang "Ave Maria." I cried and cried and cried. I was so happy so many of my friends and Mom's friends were there. Massillon football coach Nate Moore and the team captains were there and served as pallbearers. I'm crying now typing this. 

I think about Mom every day. She was the nicest, sweetest, most supportive Mom ever. She was there for me through everything. The house we grew up in was transferred to me upon her passing. I was the Executor of her Estate. I had to deal with my older brother who was difficult to say the least. The thing was though....as a close friend told me, taking care Mom's estate was taking care of Mom's things and should be treated with care, which I felt I did a good job. 

It's almost the 8th anniversary of her death. Each year since, I have stopped at the nursing home where she passed. I visit her room and pray outside. 

Every day, I say, "Hi, Mom." at some point as if I am really talking to her. I think about her asking how my day is going. There have been so many days where I picture myself sharing so many good things going on with her...and just seeing her smile because she is so happy for me. 

About a week after my Dad passed, I had a very vivid dream about him sitting in a wheelchair and then getting up and walking with a walker before tossing that aside to get a cane before throwing that aside and saying that he was free and didn't need any help! 

A couple years after Mom passed, I saw Mom, Dad, and my little Scottish Terrier Bonnie in a dream in our old orange brick ranch house in Heaven. Dad was sitting in his easy chair in the living room by the lamp watching TV. Mom and Bonnie were at the front door and Mom was waving at me from the front door and saying, "It's ok. We'll be here." Mom was smiling as she always was. I love Mom and Dad so much....still. 

I ended up selling the house I grew up in when I got serious with my girlfriend (who is my wife now). I ended up getting rid of a lot of Mom's things but held on to a couple of boxes of things. I met my current wife about 7 months after my Mom passed. 

I think it was a good thing Kim (my wife) entered my life. Otherwise, I would have stayed in my old house and would have become so depressed. I feel like I kinda closed a physical chapter of my life by moving out of the house. 

I now live in Mogadore, about 30 minutes away from Massillon, my hometown. Oddly, whenever I still go back to Massillon, I still feel like I'm going back home for a visit to Mom.