Life in the 50s

It's Friday, January 2nd, 2026.......and I'm in the office. I am the only one in the office!  Everyone else is taking PTO. My boss, Kelly, asked me the last day we were in the office together on December 23rd, "What time are you coming in on January 2nd? It's a work day."  I said, "I haven't thought that far ahead."  So, here it is. I am here.  Besides that, it's 2026. I have had strange feelings the last couple of days.  I am working with my former intern supervisor from WAKC TV 23 , Linda White . I've known her for 35 years.  I graduated with my Ph.D. ten years ago. A decade ago!  Monday, January 5th marks the 17th year that my Dad passed away!  It's one thing that anniversaries are like 4 years ago or 6 years ago but....when it gets to be 10 years and longer.....shit, the 35 years ago like Linda White, it puts a perspective on time passing by real quick.  I feel like I am aging really fast. I figure I have about 25 years left of living...

Holy shit! I need to get to the Holiday break. My wife needs to go on break too. She's working her ass off. We just need time to relax and recharge. My body battery on my Garmin hit 100 overnight because I took care of myself. I relaxed on the couch. Even though I worked in the barn past 10 pm last night, I was so calm and at peace.  Thankfully, the weather is supposed to get really warm on Christmas and the day after. I cannot wait to go running. One of those days, I will likely run 5-6 miles.  This morning, I weighed 185.6! Down .08 pounds. I'm still eating junk, just less of it. I have a bottle of water each night. Exercise has become a daily thing for me. 

 Late November through early January is my Season of Grief . In 2009 , which is so long ago, my Dad passed away from cardiac arrest on January 5. He had suffered from diabetes for the last decade of his life. Mom took such good care of him.  In 2017, my Mom had a stroke in April. I moved home to be her primary caregiver. She had multiple UTIs before eventually passing away in hospice care at The Laurels in Massillon . The day after Thanksgiving in 2017,  she was admitted to the hospital for the final time with a UTI . She was unconscious for several days until her doctor recommended she go into hospice because nothing more could be done. She was semi-conscious the next morning, which was her first on morphine . She said "I love you" to her brother and gave me lots of kisses.  Mom eventually passed away on Friday, December 8th at 6:30. Her funeral was on the 14th.  So, Mom's slow decline and then Dad's passing are bookends of grief over the holidays.  It ...

The jackpot for tonight's Powerball drawing is one-billion dollars . I bought tickets. If I won, I would quit my job immediately. No question. I would text one of my co-workers first, Tricia, before I text my boss, Kelly.  I would split the money with my wife so she could quit.  Then, I would pay off our house, our arena, my personal loan for the shelter we had built on our property. I would trade in both of my cars and buy a really nice hybrid Rav-4. I would buy Claire her own car.  Kim and I would also make massive improvements to our house and barn.  I would donate money to BGSU, to the Radio Sports club. I would donate money to the Career-Tech program at Kent State University. I would donate money to the Massillon Tiger Swing Band. I would donate money to the Massillon Tigers football team. All of these entities have meant so much to me and my family. I want to pay it back and pay it forward.  I wanted to make sure I had this saved somewhere to refer to it ...

Last night marked 8 years since my Mom passed away. It still doesn't seem real. I love in Mogadore and when I drive to Massillon , I have this weird thought that I will see Mom. And she's just not there. I sold and moved out of Mom's house. The old neighborhood is there. It's just not the same.  I never thought life after Mom would be like this. Missing her phone calls. Missing silly simple things like going to get an ice cream cone . Of course, I miss her during the holidays but the simple phone calls to ask how I was doing, checking up on me....yeah, I miss this the most.  There's a saying:   you never know how great a tree is until you chop it down .  This is Mom. Still, years after her passing, she gets greater.  Everyday that adds to the count of the days since she passed is a day shorter until we meet again.  

With the current cold weather we have in Ohio , my feet have started their annual cracking. My heels and big toes have cracks in them that hurt like hell. They don't bleed but it feels like someone is cutting my feet up with a knife. I used Vaseline Sensitive Skin lotion on my feet. It's cooling and provides temporary relief.  Not my feet... When I get stressed, I chew and pick my fingernails. I hate myself for doing this. I do this so the physical pain helps cope with the internal, psychological pain that I deal with in handling stress. My current stress right now is from my job. And it's impacting me. My Garmin watch says my stress levels are high, like at 100 during the work day.  I hope I can get some relief from this stress at some point. ;)